Bonding Harbor
Bonding Harbor
When individuals first come together our bodies want to know “is it safe to let down my guard a little?” As facilitators, we want to create spaces where there’s room for people to get a sense of the energies others are bringing and, if they so choose, let go a little. We call this place on the map “Bonding Harbor.”
The first step in building community is to identify some cohesiveness and a very low stakes sense of contributing to the collective. This is the time to break down reliance on separateness and establish a sense of trustworthiness amongst group members. This is the time for generating collective energy, but not really for building intimacy.
When groups are bonding, it’s the ideal time to teach, learn and play new games. In fact, bonding almost requires games, or at least some kind of structured social activity that can hold and maybe diffuse some of the anxiousness or fear that can accompany meeting new people. A problem-solving task or other activity that requires group members to work side by side can create communal bonds. Cooperation is the goal. This is the time to learn everyone’s name and some of their identifying characteristics of everyone in the group, but not to delve much deeper. First, the group needs the experience of playing together. Group art projects are also well-suited to this stage, but remember, the process is often more important than the result. Working together, to cook a meal or collect cans for a food drive can also strengthen group bonds.
Bonding games accomplish their goal best when each person’s input is accepted and welcomed by others. Thus, they begin to identify themselves as part of the team. So that everyone can participate/contribute, it’s important to know what needs and accommodations your members have so you can pick which activities and variations will work best for your group. We’ve tagged the activities in the Bonding Harbor as Mingling, Creative, and Embodied so you can pick what’s best for your group.
Mingling
The Mighty Wind Blows
Also known as "The Big Wind Blows" "Spill the Basket," "All My Friends and Neighbors," "I like People Who..."
Parameters: More than 5 people, can be done in person or on video call.
Materials: chairs or other "spot markers" is doing the variation.
The person who is "It" introduces themselves, is greeted by the group, then picks something about themselves they might have in common with other members of the group.
Example:
"Hi I'm Alex"
"Hi Alex!"
The mighty wind blows for people who...have ever dyed their hair a color of the rainbow.”
Everyone to whom this applies makes an agreed upon gesture noticeable to "It" (a vocal hoot, a waving hand, standing up, stepping towards the center of the circle, etc.) "It" then chooses someone to go next, who can accept or pass. The game ends when everyone who wants to has a chance to be "It."
Variations: For in person groups where everyone wants a higher energy activity that includes running. Sit in chairs or stand in a circle. If standing it's helpful if everyone takes off their shoes and places them in front of them as their spot. "It" stands in the middle of the circle and people for whom the mighty wind blows jump out of their chairs and find another chair (not either of the chairs next to them), a la musical chairs. The person remaining after all the chairs are taken makes the next statement.
Teapot
Parameters: more than 2 people, can be done in person, or on video call
Materials: none
The person who is "It" leaves the room. The remaining group chooses a verb. When the person returns to the room, the group must replace that verb with “teapot” when they speak. "It" tries to discover the meaning of “teapot” by asking members of the group questions like, “Do you teapot a lot?” or, “What does it feel like to teapot?” Members of the group cannot use any variation of the verb in their answer.
Variations: The challenge of this game can be modified based on how complex the verb is. It may be as broad as "sleeping" or as specific as "doing the dishes while balancing on a unicycle."
Don't Think
Bite Sized Answers
Tower of Questions
Parameters: more than two people, in person
Materials: Jenga game
Write get to know you questions (do you play a sport? what's your favorite band/musician right now? for example) on many or all of the blocks. As people remove a block, they answer the question before placing it back on top.
Variation: The person who removed the block gets to ask the question of another person in the circle. That person gets to go next.
Creating
Mural or Collage
Parameters: Perfect for a group from two to infinity! Can be done in person, on video call or asynchronously. If done asynchronously, giving a prompt and doing a show and tell will be key to bringing out the unifying nature of getting crafty together.
Materials: substrata options: wall of your congregation, glass jar candle, mat board. Paint, markers, magazines, thrift store photo books, scissors, glue, any kind of art supply you can rustle up.
Here is a great way to contribute to the ambiance of your gathering space while bonding. Put the craft things on the table and consider putting on some quiet music. Giving people something to do with their hands and focus can take the edge off of socializing. Skimming through magazines together may provide some impromptu conversation starters.
Variations: candles can be used for worship. Provide a prompt like "breaking down walls" or "feeling at home."
Pillowcase Skits
Parameters: This game is for a larger, in person group.
Materials: Pillowcases, interesting clothing items, props, pillowcases, and children’s books, etc.
Put 3-5 unique and random items in each pillowcase (ex: scarf, can opener, banana, guitar pick). Break the group into teams of two to five people and distribute the pillowcases among them. Give teams instructions to create a skit using all of the items. Establish guidelines for the group process — ex. everyone can have a role that they're comfortable with even if they don't want a speaking part, skits can be funny but can't poke fun —but don’t give them too much time to prepare. Bring everyone back together to preform their skits.
Variation: Include a children’s book or the title of a well-known fairy tale to act out in each bag.
Variation: Have each member of each team find and bring back one unusual item (toothbrush, can opener, banana, guitar pick) to put it in the bag. Redistribute the bags among the teams.
Embodied
Electricity
Parameters: More than 5 people, in person. Ask if everyone is comfortable touching hands. This game is not suitable if there are group members who don’t want to deal with touch at that moment.
Materials: none
Also known as “Pass the Squeeze.”
Everyone sits or stands in a circle, holding hands. One person squeezes the hand of the person to their right, who squeezes the hand of the person to their right, and the squeeze is “passed” around the circle until it returns to its starting place. Try this game with your eyes closed, or with multiple squeezes in different directions.
Rainstorm
Parameters: The larger the group the louder the rainstorm. If group members are sensitive to loud noise, consider stopping at #3 or #4.
Explain to the group they are going to create the sound of a rainstorm with their bodies. Instruct them to follow your lead and change their motion when you change yours.
The order of the motions is:
- rubbing hands together
- rubbing hands on thighs
- tapping hands on thighs
- snapping fingers
- clapping hands
- stomping feet and clapping hands
Once you reach #6, repeat the motions in descending order. The last motion to be followed is stillness and silence.
Variation: Darken the room if participants consent.
Variation: Have the group sit in a circle. Explain that you are going to start a repetitive motion and that it will travel around the circle to the right until it comes back to you, at which point you will start another motion. Tell the members not to change what they are doing until the person on their left has changed.